


Love, I Think It Is

by maebh



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: 404 Error Kylo Ren Not Found, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, F/M, I mean I was inspired by a Maine song so of course it is a little angsty, I mean he's already dead in canon so, Modern AU, Rey Needs A Hug, Soft Ben Solo, and a little sad, angsty, its not really a 'major' character death, kinda a high school au, like its implied, really its just Reylo all other characters listed are mentioned, there is fluff it's just hidden amongst these angsty children, they both need hugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-01 21:00:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16291721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maebh/pseuds/maebh
Summary: She curled up to him in the back seat of the taxi. He wrapped his arms around her pulling her closer. They’d settled into a comfortable silence. She glanced up at him. The city lights danced across his face in flashes. The paleness of his face illuminated in stark contrast to his black suit. Which blended into the inky night. He looked younger with his eyes closed. Peaceful.Her heart broke all over again.It had been a long day. For both of them.They’d buried her mentor, his uncle.The man who had indirectly brought them together so many years ago. She sadly smiled. Both of them had been so much younger. If you’d told her then she’d be curled up in the back of a taxi headed to a shared home with Ben Solo she’d laugh.She twisted the bands on her ring finger.





	Love, I Think It Is

**Author's Note:**

> TW: mentions of childhood abandonment, and physical abuse 
> 
> A/N: so Ben is aged down considerably for the purposes of this fic. He’s still older but only two years. Rey is born in April 93’ and Ben is November 91’ in this fic for perspective. (Rey is definitely a Taurus that FY and Ben is definitely a Scorpio so fight me)

_"And in the backseat when you asked me_

_"Is the sadness everlasting?"_

_I pulled you closer, looked at you and said_

_"Love, I think it is"_

_-The Maine_

October 2018 

 

She curled into him in the back seat of the taxi. He wrapped his arms around her pulling her closer in. They’d settled into a comfortable silence. She glanced up at him. The city lights danced across his face in flashes. The paleness of his face illuminated in stark contrast to his black suit. Which blended into the inky night. He looked younger with his eyes closed. Peaceful.

Her heart broke all over again.

It had been a long day. For both of them.

They’d buried her mentor, his uncle.

The man who had indirectly brought them together so many years ago. She smiled sadly. Both of them had been so much younger. If you’d told her then she’d be curled up in the back of a taxi headed to a shared home with Ben Solo she’d laugh.

He had been the picture of teenage angst when he walked into her life. Completely unable to internalize any emotion. Complete with a red-hot temper ready to explode at the smallest thing. Mad at the world.

She had been the poster child for wide-eyed idealism. Completely unwilling to externalize her pain. She’d call him on his bullshit whenever his temper exploded. Unwilling to give up on there being goodness in the world.

Naturally Luke forced them together every chance he got.

She twisted the bands on her ring finger.

Luke had been there for everything. His school tucked away upstate was the backdrop of their origin story. Everything Rey had stemmed from the day when her caseworker dropped her off in 1999 at the age of six. But that wasn’t the memory she fixated on presently.

* * *

 

December 31st, 2010 (8:00 pm EST) 

 

She bounced towards Luke’s office. Genuinely smiling. A rare occurrence over the past year. Without hesitation, she reached for the door. Throwing it open she said, “Luke we’re ready-”

 The end of the sentence died on her lips. There he stood. Drenched from the rain. Clothes dripping on the rug. Clutching a steaming mug. Shoulders slouched, defeated. Entirely unlike the boy from a year prior who stood up straight like his mother. Ben whipped around to look at her. Like always his face gave away every inch of his emotions. His eyes were pleading, and deeply sad.

Her heart stopped for a beat. Then it pounded. Icy rage coursed through her veins.

Luke’s eyes shifted back and forth between the two. His body tensed ready to jump in front of Rey should she attack. Everyone knew Ben would let her. He’d accept it. Welcome it.

Ben stared straight through her like he always had. She glared back. Rage rippled off her. She opened her mouth “Luke they’re ready for you in the kitchen” she said curtly and turned on her heels.

“Rey,” Ben said,

She slammed the door. He turned to his uncle. Desperation colored his features.

“She hates me”

Luke chuckled softly shaking his head. “She could never hate you, Ben”

Thunder boomed outside. Luke moved towards the window waving his nephew over. Rain pounded against the window. Still Ben could make out Rey’s figure running across the front lawn. Lighting flashed in the distance illuminating her for a moment.

Luke nudged Ben “Go”

Ben ran out the door and didn’t stop running until he made it to their spot. An abandoned grain silo hid amongst the small forest on the grounds. He stood in the doorway frozen. She sat there curled up, knees to her chest crying.

“Rey” She didn’t move. He moved into the round room. “Rey, I’m so sorry”

She wiped her face and smiled. It was an unnatural forced thing. Nothing like the way she used to smile at him. His heart broke a little more. 

“Rey-”

“Welcome back Ben. How long are you staying before you leave?” she asked with venom and that fake smile plastered across her face.

“Rey” 

“Did you forget how to speak while you were gone?”

“I-” 

She stood up and pushed past him. “If you do remember how to form sentences don’t bother sharing”

He grabbed her arm “Rey-”

She snarled at him “Let go of me”

She tried to pull away from him. “Can we please talk?” he asked

If looks could kill he’d be six feet under. Her gaze was murderous “Let me go” 

He loosened his grip, and took a step back “Please Rey, I know I fucked up-” 

She laughed without humor. Thunder boomed. Her eyes were dark and the wind blew her hair wildly. Lighting flashed nearby. Briefly giving him a good look at her face. It was thinner than when he’d left. Dark circles evident against her paler face. His heart broke further. He reached his hand out to cup her face, but she flinched away.

“Fucked up doesn’t begin to cover what you did to me, Ben. You abandoned me. You told me you loved me and then you left.  Like them.” she pushed him “How could you do that to me?” she asked.

“I never meant to hurt you”

She cackled and again lighting crackled behind her. _She looks deadly and beautiful_ he thought.  He took a deep breath.

“You broke me Ben.” thunder boomed “How could you be so dense as to think that wouldn’t hurt me. I was in love with you for Christ’s sake. You kissed me. Promised me I’d never been alone again and then you left. Of-fucking-course you hurt me, Ben. I don’t care how pissed you were with Luke or your parents. I don’t give a fuck what Snoke promised you. You left me.”

 “Rey-”

“No, I’m not done. You wanted to talk. Stand there and listen to me”

He pursed his lips, and whispered  “Okay”

“Did you think when you left that you were leaving me the same way my parents did? In the middle of the night. Without a word. Without any explanation. I woke up and I knew. The air felt wrong without you. The whole school’s energy had shifted. You were gone.”

The rain picked up. Ben shivered.

“I was the one who looked through your room. I was so careful to put everything back exactly how it had been. I wouldn’t let anyone else in. It was practically a mausoleum until April. I kept waiting for you to walk through that door. You didn’t. Then I cracked and I tore through your room, Ben. Hoping I’d find a letter or something that explained why you had left me. I was clinging to the idea that you’d gone for a reason, that you hadn’t left me. There was nothing. You left.”

“I’m so sorry”

“I spent my birthday tearing your room apart for some sign that you cared. Something that could give me hope. Nothing did. Do you know what that did to me? I haven’t been able to sleep properly. I can barely eat” she laughed “Me, Ben. I wouldn’t eat for the first two weeks. Me. You weren’t there to tease me about how quickly or how much I ate. Finn tried at first. Finally Rose got me high solely so I would eat. You did that to me. You.”

Ben was crying now. His tears indistinguishable from the rain that streamed down his face.

“I’d sit in your room because it smelled like you. I stole that navy sweater I love. I could only sleep if I was wearing it. Jessika washed it on accident. She was trying to help me, and I lost it. Because it didn’t smell like you anymore. I had a complete mental break because of the sweater. That’s when Luke started taking me into town to see someone.”

“To see someone?” he asked, above a whisper. The question caused his chest to ache with an unbearable pain.

“A therapist. Once a week for the past 8 months.” Again she laughed completely unnerving him. “the funny thing is that I probably needed that before you left. Dr. Kanta thinks the only thing that kept me from exploding earlier was this place”

She waved her hand towards the school. She kicked at the ground. Then paused for a moment that felt endless.

“And you.” she breathed “When you took yourself out of the picture I snapped. All the trauma I’ve been repressing for 17 goddamn years exploded in the worst possible way”

Silence fell between them. They stared at each other in the darkness. Catching glimpses of each other between flashes of lighting. Oblivious to the rain falling on and around them.

For the first time that night she looked at him. He was skinnier. To thin. The dark circles under his eyes rivaled hers. Between lighting flashes, she noticed a new scar slashed across his face. His jaw looked bruised. His left eye blackened. He looked like he’d been to hell and back, twice.

Without thinking, she ghosted her hand across his face. He winced but didn’t move away. Silently she traced her fingers across the scar. Then laid her hand still on his cheek save her thumb gently wiping away the rain and tears from his face. Slowly she brought her other hand to his face and repeated her gentle caress. He brought his face down to rest against her forehead.

“What happened to you Ben”

He sighed “Nothing I didn’t deserve after what I did” he paused, covering her hands with his “Especially you Rey. I won’t ask for your forgiveness. I won’t ask for your love again. I don’t deserve it. Nevertheless, so long as you allow me I will never stop trying to earn it.”

Rey sniffled “Ben”

“Yes?”

“You’re hands are cold”

“Oh” he dropped his hands from her “I’m sorry”

“That wasn’t an invitation for you to let go dumbass. If you ever let go again I will follow you across the stars if I have to and I will cut you down”

Softly he smiled “I love you”

A bolt of lightning flashed letting him see her smile “I know”

She placed soft kisses against his jaw and worked her way towards his mouth. It was slow and gentle.

Like coming home.

He sighed against her mouth, lifting her off the ground. Her legs locked around his hips as he began trailing kisses across her jaw and down the column of her throat. She sighed contently. The coolness of the rain felt blissfull against the heat of their intertwined bodies.

Thunder boomed loudly. Rey flinched, instinctively tightening her grip on Ben, her nails dug into his back. He hissed at the pain. Rey loosened her grip instantly. He’d buried his face into the crook of her neck.

“Ben, what happened?” she asked

He shook his head ever so slightly without moving from her. She set her feet on the ground and tilted his chin towards her. 

“Ben. What happened to you?” 

He sighed. “Snoke didn’t want me to leave. He sure as hell wasn't pleased when the FBI got an anonymous tip about his under the table arms dealing”

“Snoke did this?” she loosened her hold on him and looked him in the eye “I’m going to murder that bastard”

“I may have beat you to it”

She gripped his arms tight. “You killed Snoke?”

He ran his hands through her hair. “Technically a life sentence will once the New York DA’s office is done with him”

Rey grinned. “Leia is prosecuting Snoke?”

“She’s thrilled” he deadpanned “Apparently my testimony sealed his fate. So at least one good thing came out of this past year.”

He paused. And looked at her intently “If I could though I’d change all of that if it meant I didn’t hurt you. I meant what I said Rey. I won’t ask for forgiveness. I don’t expect you to still love me or take me back. But I’m going to do my damnedest every day to earn it anyway.”

“I love you, Ben Solo. I always will. I'm still pissed. But I never stopped loving you.”

He let out the breath he didn’t know he’d been holding for a year.

“I do have conditions though for you if we’re going to do this”

He nodded “Anything”

 She took a breath “One. Never ever leave me like that again. Even if you don’t want to be with me anymore never leave without a word. If you don’t want me in your life anymore you need to tell me. You will always owe me that”

 "I’m not going anywhere” he cupped her face “Ever.”

She smiled leaning her head against his chest and continued “Two, therapy. I wasn’t kidding when I said it was the best thing that came out of the past year.”

He snorted “That’s fair”

"Three; You, Luke, Han and Leia need to sit down and figure all your collective bullshit out. I love all of you too much for you to not get along”

He swallowed  “Okay”

Ben sneezed. Rey jerked, suddenly as she’d just woken up late. “Ben. How long have we been out here?”

Again he sneezed “I’m not sure”

“We’ve been standing in the cold rain for God knows how long” She sneezed and groaned “We’re going to get sick”

He laughed and they started to walk back to the estate hand in hand. Luke was waiting in the armchair by the door with towels and a smile.

“I take it you won’t be sneaking around this time,” he said

Rey and Ben flushed. “You knew?” she asked

“Everyone knew dear. Even before you two figured it out.” he chuckled “Ben’s had that love-struck look on his face ever since you showed up in 1999”

Ben squeezed her hand a little tighter.

“Go dry off and get changed. The ball drops in an hour. You two won’t have to hide away at midnight again. I mean did you truly think that the entire school didn’t know you two kissed last New Years Eve?” he turned to the main room, and over his shoulder said “I owe Professor Yoda a stupid amount of money because of you two”

Ben smiled and pressed a kiss onto the top of Rey’s head. “Let’s go”

 

* * *

 

October 2018 

Gently she nudged him. His eyes fluttered open. His like hers were glistening.

"Is the sadness everlasting?" she asked

He pulled her closer, looked at her and said, “Love, I think it is”.

**Author's Note:**

> Hahahahhahaha this is sad and angsty (but also a little fluff?) I'm sorry. 
> 
> Did I write this instead of working on We Reach For the Stars? Yes.  
> Should I have been writing either for WRFtS or my paper about Plato? Probably  
> Do I have any regrets? lol, yes. 
> 
> This song came up on shuffle and boom this happened. So here we are 2400 words and 3 hours later. I didn't super edit it so sorry if it was a little rough but. This is my first one-shot. I might add more in this universe because I think it might be fun but for now, it's just an angsty one shot. 
> 
> Also Reylo in the rain holding each other is *chef kiss*
> 
> EDIT: I fixed some grammar things


End file.
